*Emma and Josh’s real identities have been anonymised
Josh’s Journey Into Andrew Tate’s World
“It felt like I’d lost my boyfriend to Andrew Tate, he didn’t ‘fix’ him; he just made him think I was the problem.”
When Emma first moved in with Josh, she thought she had found her partner in crime. However, she never expected TikTok to drive a wedge into her relationship, and Andrew Tate did. She had a successful job in marketing and had been supporting Josh after he was made redundant during the pandemic.
“At first, I was happy to support him, but as the months went on, it was like he lost his drive in life,” says Emma.
While she juggled work and household bills, Josh started to struggle. Days turned into weeks, then months of bed rot, which consisted of endless hours scrolling through social media and aimlessly wondering what his future held.
“It felt like I was living with a parasite, he was completely dependent on me because he ‘couldn’t be bothered to find another job,” Emma says.
By 2022, cracks in their relationship had formed, and Josh had changed.
“The idea of finding a job became a touchy subject, and he’d get frustrated and shut it down every time I brought it up,” she added, “He was clearly frustrated and annoyed, but instead of channelling that energy into finding a new job, he found Andrew Tate,” says Emma.
Tate’s videos, featuring luxury cars and what was needed to become the ‘real man’, quickly became Josh’s drive in life. He began saying that “real men” don’t rely on women. Emma watched as Josh changed from an insecure partner into someone entitled and controlling.
“We weren’t partners anymore; he didn’t see me as an equal, and I realised I couldn’t fix him,” Emma says.
Selling the Dream to the Incels
So we all know Andrew Tate; his popularity in the media is well known. He thrives on his ability to target men like Josh, those who are lost and feel ‘less than their significant other’. Tate uses platforms like TikTok and Instagram to present himself as the epitome of male success and the ultimate ‘Alpha Male’. His core audience consists of young men who feel like the crumbs of society, called the incels (involuntarily celibate individuals).
The incel community originates from a network of online anti-woman communities known as the ‘manosphere,’ which has grown increasingly hostile and violent towards women over time. These groups house former weak and insecure men and turn them into the woman-hating community we know today.
In the media, there is rarely any discussion about how he exploits men and how he drives them to be violent towards women. Tate employs strategic and manipulative tactics to target these men and teens who are struggling with their identity and direction. Based on data provided by the ADL, a poll surrounding the topic of incels revealed that nearly 8 per cent of respondents were under the age of 17.
Dr Kristal De Santis, a licensed couples therapist who works with hyper-masculine men, says: “Men like Andrew Tate have become experts at targeting vulnerable men and teenagers who are struggling with their identity and direction”. One of the problems is how influencers like Tate define what it means to be a man.
“He’s really honed in on what it means to be a physically attractive man, a financially successful man or a guy who can lift,” she adds “Then Andrew Tate just rushed in and said, ‘Hey, if you want to be a real man, you have to make a lot of money, and you will have all the women,” says De Santis.
Tate’s main goal is to objectify men: “His message to his audience is that you boys are worthless unless you make a lot of money and unless you look good,” she says.
Why do Men and Boys Fall for It
So why do these types of men fall for this money-making scheme? Michael Kimmel, a retired sociologist who specialised in gender studies, sees Tate’s appeal as a reflection of growing confusion among the incel community and men about their roles in modern society.
“The easiest way to talk about this is to say that Tate is a symptom of a larger trend,” Kimmel says.
“Young men feel marginalised, constantly policed by the politically correct wokesters and men are confused about what is okay and not okay these days and how even to be men; Andrew Tate is a particularly misogynist version of this.”
This sense of aimlessness is pervasive, especially among the younger generation who grew up with access to Andrew Tate on their screens.
“Many boys feel they lack direction, and they are completely cowed and afraid in school because of feeling constantly policed by women, minorities or the LGBT community.
“So they retreat to the safety and comfort of the internet and that fake community of trolls,” he says.
Once men and teens enter the realm of patriarchal dominance, they are manipulated by Tate. They’re bombarded with content that nitpicks at their insecurities, and soon enough, they don’t just watch him; they start to believe that he’s the only one who understands them.
Erin Davies, the Vice president of Sheffield’s Feminist Society, investigated the types of content men encounter online. Her aim was to determine how much far-right and misogynistic content she could encounter after creating a profile as a 20-year-old male.
Davies passively scrolled through content without engaging or liking any posts. Within 30 minutes, the algorithm began curating a significant amount of far-right and misogynistic material, emphasising how easily men and teens can be drawn into Andrew Tates’s world.
She first started getting content about male loneliness and guys being sad about not getting attention from women: “I think people like Andrew Tate prey on lonely men’s insecurities, and it makes men really bitter and harbour resentment towards women, which I think is a really dangerous mindset to be in, especially now with the rise of far-right people in power,” says Davies.
Reflecting on the growing influence of Andrew Tate, Davies recalls a conversation that left her shocked: “I was talking to one of my friends, and they said, ‘some of the stuff Andrew Tate says is fine.’ I was like, You can’t say that!”, she says.
Her colleague and president of the Feminist Society, Rania Zamhadi believes that exposure to this content online stops men from having a realistic view of women. Instead, the incel community are making them see us as one of two types and categorising woman into the ‘Becky’ and ‘Staceys’.
This mindset of seeing women in very limited ways can lead to extreme beliefs: “Tate once said in an interview that a woman being raped is like leaving a million dollars on your doorstep and having stolen.
“So it’s basically just this community that believes that attacking women and killing women is essentially the solution to cure male loneliness,” Rania says.
A Male Voice for Feminism
In a community that is predominantly female, the voices of men advocating for change highlight the severe impact Andrew Tate’s influence has on some of these incels. Muhammad Muharram, a male representative in the feminist society, highlights how Andrew Tate cleverly exploits algorithms to target incels, convincing them that women are to blame. He fears that without men’s willingness to listen, misogyny and violence against women will continue to rise.
“When I was studying in Malaysia, I met many people who actually agreed with everything Andrew Tate said, and it was one of the most insane experiences of my life.
“He’s using algorithms as a weapon to drive these young men and spread his message, even at the same time he was being imprisoned due to his crimes,” says Muhammad.
The Fight for Healthy Masculinity
As the influence of figures like Andrew Tate continues to spread, the fight for a healthier, more positive form of masculinity becomes ever more crucial.
“I have a book called Strong, which is a relationship field guide for the modern man. It talks about how we still need strong men, but we need strong men who do not take their power from women.
“We need to start sending the messages that we’re telling young girls about being strong to young boys as well,” says Dr. De Santis.
Empowering young boys with these same self-respect and emotional intelligence principles can help prevent them from believing these toxic ideologies.
Many people are optimistic about the future, believing that change is possible for misogynistic men and that it’s time for them to re-evaluate their views and step back.
Micheal Kimmel says: “I’m optimistic as women aren’t going to stop working, stop going to college, stop playing sports or stop having orgasms, so men are going to have to adjust or be left on the sidelines.
“The good news is that greater gender equality leads to greater happiness for women, children and men as well”.
Only through this transformation can we hope to break free from the hands of figures like Andrew Tate and build a future where men and women are seen as equals.