Were you aware that one could make a living as a full time sex educator?

Tatiana Ashborn is a 21 year old sex educator and podcast host, forefronting the highly followed show ‘Under the Sheets’ with her company, ‘Dirty talk’. 

Messy sat down with her to ask 10 questions about being a sex positive podcaster!

1. How did you get into the sex education and podcasting industry? Was it hard to get into?

Sex education at school was so bad.

I went to the BRIT school and we had to write a play. I had no idea what to write it on but at that time in my life I was constantly talking about sex with my friends. They said I should do the play about that, because it was obviously something I was interested in. 

 I was thinking my goodness. I have never had sex before. I’m so scared to have sex. The reason I speak about it a lot was because I was so terrified and growing up with older brothers, I thought I knew a lot about it and people would come to me and ask me questions about it.

I think I gave really good responses, even though I had never had sex, but it was just more that what I had learned from, having an open family and researching so I wrote it and thought I’m gonna interview people about first times and right there experiences onto this page. 

Then I had sex for the first time and I was petrified, it had all been planned out, and so I wrote about it in my play and it actually won the competition. It was going to be performed in London, but unfortunately it got cut because of covid. But I didn’t want to leave it because sex still terrified me after my first time.

I was like I need to talk about this. So then I started a podcast and got into that which has been amazing and love the process of it. It’s a long process and continuous struggle, but it’s so good and I love talking to other people about sex.

2. How many years have you been running it now?

I started the podcast 4 years ago and became a certified sex educator earlier this year. 

So I’m now officially educated enough to go into universities and high schools and teach about sex.

3. What advice would you give to someone trying to get into the field?

When it comes to starting a podcast… just do it.

Too many times people think about taking action but never take the jump. Life Is short, I think that too many people wait.

You never know if covid’s gonna hit the next day, I think that’s a really good example. 

You don’t know what’s happening tomorrow. 

You don’t need much, you can do it on your phone. 

Regarding sex education, I think everyone loves either talking about sex or listening about sex.

It’s very important to get a better understanding of it. 

If you’re not an expert and you don’t know much about sex don’t claim that you do. Sex positivity is amazing but sometimes it can come off the wrong way.

You definitely need to know your audience. Who do you want to attract and what you want to gain from the podcast? It’s okay if you just want to learn more about this subject.

4. What’s the best part?

I get to talk about sex every day! I love talking to people and I think it’s so interesting hearing different stories and everyone. I love when you talk to someone at the beginning of a podcast and they have one set view, but as the episode goes on you can see that they’ve never had this much of a conversation about it. You see their mind turning, maybe they have slight anxiety coming into it, then throughout the conversation they forget about the cameras and you see them open up and then ask themselves questions.

I find the best thing is when someone says ‘I’ve never learned so much about myself until I had this conversation today’.

I’m like, this is all I wanted. 

5. What’s the worst part?

 I lose my sense of connection with sex.

It’s a conversation that I will have every day. Sex will always be in my head. 

I stop being sure what it means to me. 

And there are times where I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I don’t want people to feel ashamed for what they’re saying and that’s really difficult because I want to come across as authentic as possible.

I want to be open about my experiences but I’ve got to work out how I want to come across… I like telling personal stories but you don’t want to go into that too much, because it’s not about me it’s about them.

6. What’s your most memorable experience from this job?

I interviewed my Grandma in the early stages of the podcast. She agreed to be a part of it and my Mum briefed me to keep it PG… but surprisingly my Grandma is the one that made it sexual!

 We had such a laugh I think humour is the best way to educate. She got a better understanding of the way I see sex, and I also now completely understand the way she sees sex. 

21 and my Grandma just turned 80. That’s a massive age difference.

I feel like we live in a much more sex positive world now and it made me feel far more confident about living while I’m young and taking opportunities while I can. 

A lot of people can’t say that they’re able to have that conversation. So I’m so lucky that I’m able to do that.

7. Have you always wanted to take this direction with your career?

Well I’m a trained actor and that’s my primary job, but yeah, I’ve always been very interested in sex and I wanted a way to talk about it. 

I was inspired by YouTubers. When I was about 14 my friend and I  sat and watched a YouTube video of two girls who had a sex education podcast and we learned how to put a condom on to give a blowjob.  

Me and my friend in my bedroom watching this video and from what I remember, I think I maybe got bananas from downstairs or a cucumber, it was one of those things. I was so scared someone was going to walk in!

8. What was your first experience filming the podcast like?

 I was terrified to start and I was thinking I don’t know enough. This is the first time I was presenting, and especially in a podcast way, and every episode was live. 

There was 12 of us in my household and it was during covid. And so I got 12 people to sit down on my bed, and we’re gonna film some episodes.

Some of them are out. Some of them are not going out. 

It was all my brothers. their girlfriends and other people that I lived with at the time yeah, and it’s crazy to think about when I started and who I was and how I spoke and how

Looking back, I was so nervous that I just wasn’t listening. I was very much like what’s next, have I got this question right, I need to ask this next.

I look at those episodes and then look at now and you’re like, yes, I finally got it!

9. What do you think the worst mistake you’ve made while filming is?

I haven’t done enough to know that yet, there’s still so much I have to do. 

Obviously sex can be a very sensitive topic and I think it’s one of those things where I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I’m constantly worried that I’m going to say the wrong thing. 

I’m conscious that someone could have a completely different view on me because I’ve said that certain thing.

10. How fulfilled are you with this role? Do you think you’ll carry on with this forever? Is there something you’d like to progress to? 

I can’t stop now. I’ve got a lot more to do and a lot more to complete. There’s always something more.

I love sex. I’m talking about it and getting to know all the podcast guests, I want to speak to more people.

 I want to help young people, older people, people in relationships, married, divorced.

Speaking to my Grandma,  you realize that life doesn’t stop when you get to a certain age,