{"id":2319,"date":"2025-06-05T13:47:54","date_gmt":"2025-06-05T12:47:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/unglossedmag.co.uk\/?p=2319"},"modified":"2025-06-06T14:26:45","modified_gmt":"2025-06-06T13:26:45","slug":"its-like-asos-but-for-people-why-dating-doesnt-feel-real","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jusmedia.co.uk\/unglossedmag\/2025\/06\/05\/its-like-asos-but-for-people-why-dating-doesnt-feel-real\/","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s like ASOS but for people: why dating apps don’t feel real"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Online dating is sold as the modern, convenient way of meeting people. But for many, it just feels like browsing a catalogue or playing a video game on your phone. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since the early days of online matchmaking, apps like Tinder and Hinge have massively grown in popularity, along with the rise of social media and the convenience of our smartphones. These apps have taken over the world, quickly becoming the most popular way in which singles meet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Recently, Tinder announced that premium subscribers will be able to filter other profiles by height, a choice which has triggered social media backlash. Users, particularly men, claimed that this will make dating apps feel even more superficial, like trying to unlock the perfect character in a video game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Relationship expert, and Head of Clinical Practice at Relate, Ammanda Major says this comparison isn\u2019t far off: \u201cI can see why people might say it feels like a game because it’s so quick. You can get rid of bits you don’t like the look of, it doesn’t commit you to anything. You can roam around and have a look without being under obligation to anybody.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That combination of control, speed and low stakes creates a dynamic where swiping becomes less about connection, and more about instant gratification. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s something immediate that is there for you,\u201d Ammanda says. \u201cIf you’re feeling stressed or unheard, It’s almost like an easy pastime.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just like video games, dating apps give users hits of dopamine every time they get a match, a like, or a message, according to Dr David Greenfield speaking to Headspace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gen Z on social media have frequently been referring to apps like Hinge and Tinder as their favourite \u201cgames\u201d on their phone, and even joking that, embarrassingly, it\u2019s all they have when younger siblings ask to play something. While many evidently still use these apps for their intended purpose, to others, they are simply entertainment. Arguably, this takes away from how \u201creal\u201d any of the profiles that come up seem to us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Source: Birches Health<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

But for those who use dating apps seriously, the highs and lows can be an emotional rollercoaster. When matches dry up or conversations go nowhere, users are often left wondering what\u2019s wrong with them, rather than questioning the app\u2019s design.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ammanda says: \u201cThe impact of constantly being rejected or ghosted on dating apps, it can be very crushing.\u201d She explains that repeated micro-rejections, even from strangers, can build up into something more lasting. \u201cThe internal experience of being constantly swiped over is very intense, very alienating and very isolating.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unlike real-world interactions, where rejection is less frequent and more nuanced, dating apps expose users to a constant stream of silent no\u2019s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou can have a new interaction with somebody every day, and you get past a conversation and then they don’t want anything to do with you, and that happens to you 2 or 3 times a day. In real life, that probably wouldn’t be happening, because how do you reach all these people on the same day?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That rejection can lead to emotional burnout. What begins as casual fun can slowly chip away at confidence, especially for those already feeling vulnerable: \u201cIf you felt vulnerable beforehand, say, you\u2019ve come out of a relationship and you keep getting blocked or ghosted, the impact on your mental health and sense of confidence can be very, very profound.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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