{"id":1729,"date":"2025-05-27T09:42:20","date_gmt":"2025-05-27T08:42:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/unglossedmag.co.uk\/?p=1729"},"modified":"2025-06-02T11:04:34","modified_gmt":"2025-06-02T10:04:34","slug":"opinion-the-problem-with-soft-girl-culture","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jusmedia.co.uk\/unglossedmag\/2025\/05\/27\/opinion-the-problem-with-soft-girl-culture\/","title":{"rendered":"Opinion: The problem with soft girl culture"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>From #softlife aesthetics to \u201csad girl\u201d pop, softness is everywhere\u2026 but only when it\u2019s coming from women. Is this emotional empowerment, or just passivity in prettier packaging?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Open TikTok and it\u2019s all there: girls in linen dresses, doing slow morning routines, sipping matcha with Lana Del Rey playing in the background. They light candles, make their beds in real time, and talk about healing and stepping away from the grind. It\u2019s cozy. It\u2019s calming. It\u2019s kind of addictive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Scroll a bit more and you\u2019ll see the hashtags: #softgirl, #softlife. They\u2019re all selling the same mood, it&#8217;s all about gentleness, quietness, vulnerability\u2026 but almost always from women.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And that\u2019s what I can\u2019t stop thinking about. Why is softness suddenly everywhere? Why is it so trendy and marketable when it\u2019s packaged in femininity? And is it actually empowering, or just another way to keep women small while making it look like freedom?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because softness didn\u2019t just show up out of nowhere, it\u2019s been building for a while. First came the \u2018clean girl\u2019 look: slicked-back buns, glazed skin, barely-there makeup that somehow still requires five products and a Dyson Airwrap. Then came slow living, coquette-core, pastel everything. Suddenly, the goal wasn\u2019t just to look good, it was to look soft, serene, and effortless.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-tiktok wp-block-embed-tiktok\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"tiktok-embed\" cite=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@vanessafaga\/video\/7455735264158289157\" data-video-id=\"7455735264158289157\" data-embed-from=\"oembed\" style=\"max-width:605px; min-width:325px;\"> <section> <a target=\"_blank\" title=\"@vanessafaga\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@vanessafaga?refer=embed\">@vanessafaga<\/a> <p>this type of energy for 2025&gt;&gt; <a title=\"morningroutine\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/morningroutine?refer=embed\">#morningroutine<\/a> <a title=\"softgirl\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/softgirl?refer=embed\">#softgirl<\/a> <a title=\"softgirlera\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/softgirlera?refer=embed\">#softgirlera<\/a> <a title=\"softgirlaesthetic\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/softgirlaesthetic?refer=embed\">#softgirlaesthetic<\/a> <a title=\"newyear\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/newyear?refer=embed\">#newyear<\/a> <a title=\"selfcareroutine\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/selfcareroutine?refer=embed\">#selfcareroutine<\/a> <a title=\"fyp\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/tag\/fyp?refer=embed\">#fyp<\/a> <\/p> <a target=\"_blank\" title=\"\u266c original sound - unchained\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/music\/original-sound-7155687224791550722?refer=embed\">\u266c original sound &#8211; unchained<\/a> <\/section> <\/blockquote> <script async src=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/embed.js\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>It makes sense, in a way. After the chaos of the pandemic, hustle culture started to feel like a scam. We were burnt out, online 24\/7, and desperate for something gentler. Softness became the antidote: a slower, prettier, quieter way to exist. But even as it spread, one thing stayed consistent\u2026softness is always coded feminine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You rarely see this language or aesthetic applied to men. There\u2019s no \u2018soft boy\u2019 equivalent that\u2019s trending on TikTok (and no, sad indie guys don\u2019t count). When men show emotion, it\u2019s treated as radical. When women do, it\u2019s just another aesthetic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here\u2019s the thing: women are allowed to be soft, but not angry. Sad, but only in a way that\u2019s quiet. You can cry, sure, but it better be pretty. Being emotional is accepted as long as it stays contained, aesthetic, and non-disruptive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s why \u2018sad girl\u2019 culture thrives. Lana Del Rey whispering about doomed love. Mitski folding herself into metaphors. Billie Eilish making depression sound like a lullaby. Their pain is palatable, it\u2019s artful, it\u2019s melancholic, never messy.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For me, this isn\u2019t just coincidence, it\u2019s conditioning. Women are taught to internalize emotions, not externalize them. Psychology calls it gendered socialisation: girls are rewarded for being emotionally expressive, but only when that expression is gentle. Anger? Outrage? Those are still seen as unlikable. Too much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But the soft girl aesthetic loves to call itself empowering, and I can&#8217;t help but question is it really? <a href=\"https:\/\/unglossedmag.co.uk\/2025\/05\/22\/messy-delicious-and-deeply-debated-why-girl-dinner-has-the-internet-divided\/\">Or is it just reinforcing submission?<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We\u2019re told that softness is a choice now. That stepping back, taking care, being gentle with yourself is radical. And yes, rejecting grind culture can be powerful. But let\u2019s be honest: this version of softness that we see on TikTok and in influencer reels is aspirational in all the usual, polished ways. It\u2019s slow mornings in minimalist apartments, expensive matcha, luxury skincare routines, and \u201cself-care\u201d that looks more like self-branding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Softness, in this context, isn\u2019t a rebellion, it\u2019s a lifestyle flex. And like most aesthetic movements, it quietly revolves around money. You can\u2019t live the soft life if you\u2019re working two jobs or stuck in survival mode. You need time, space, and disposable income to opt out of the hustle and into the \u2018soft life\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So while softness might <em>feel<\/em> empowering, it\u2019s often only accessible to the already-comfortable. It\u2019s sold to women as a form of liberation\u2026 but it mostly just rewards those who can afford to slow down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So where does that leave us? Softness can be beautiful. It can be healing. For some, it\u2019s a form of resistance and a way to reclaim emotional space in a world that constantly demands toughness. But softness isn\u2019t inherently radical just because it\u2019s trending. Not when it\u2019s still shaped by what\u2019s palatable, profitable, and pretty enough to post.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The truth is, softness only gets celebrated when it fits inside the box\u2026 when it\u2019s quiet, delicate, and doesn\u2019t disrupt. The moment it gets angry, loud, or demanding, it stops being aesthetic and starts being a problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So for me, \u2018softness\u2019 is just another way to keep women small while pretending it\u2019s empowerment, and I will never be ok with it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>From #softlife aesthetics to \u201csad girl\u201d pop, softness is everywhere\u2026 but only when it\u2019s coming from women. Is this emotional empowerment, or just passivity in prettier packaging?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":114,"featured_media":1732,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1729","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-look"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Opinion: The problem with soft girl culture - Unglossed<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/jusmedia.co.uk\/unglossedmag\/2025\/05\/27\/opinion-the-problem-with-soft-girl-culture\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Opinion: The problem with soft girl culture - Unglossed\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"From #softlife aesthetics to \u201csad girl\u201d pop, softness is everywhere\u2026 but only when it\u2019s coming from women. 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