Living through your twenties is a unique experience in so many ways. Everyone is really doing their own thing, and it can sometimes feel lonely. There’s upheaval around every corner.
These are the messy years.
I’m almost certain everyone in their twenties will feel isolated and lonely at one point. As you grow and change as a person, so do your values and needs – and what you look for in friends also changes.
If you’re anything like me, you may have been slightly envious of those around you and their established group of friends, housemates, drinking buddies and wondering why is it so hard for me to fit in and have that?
When you are surrounded by that kind of energy, you overthink ways to get what you want and this distances you from getting it even more.
While there is comfort and value in friendship and social stimulation, the time you spend alone while looking for it remains an experience designed to teach you about who you are as an individual.
Your twenties are about becoming the adult you wish to be, and a lot of what you experience is temporary.
It is natural, especially in the age of social media, to unconsciously hold expectations of who you should be and what you should have. But here’s what you need to take away from this – you don’t need what others appear to have.
No matter what stage of life you’re in, you’re learning and growing.
Whenever I’ve been lonely, I find that actively seeking friendships actually repels friendship from me.
I become less selective of who I keep in my company, and end up surrounded by people who make me feel even more lonely.
One thing I started doing to get over this is seek out hobbies I enjoy, and seek out social events to do them that I’d be comfortable attending alone anyway. Aside from that, I prioritise relaxing and loving my own company.
It might sound counter productive, but when I’m more relaxed and comfortable on my own, I seem to become more magnetic and make friends easier. It’s then my job to go to events when invited and nurture the connections I’ve made.
In my first year of university, which was in the middle of the pandemic, I can remember crying for a whole week because everyone I wanted to live with had signed up for a house. It led to a big falling out, I was lonely, and I was worried I wouldn’t have friends at uni the next year.
If I were to go back and talk to that person now, I would let them know that it didn’t even matter. I may not be particularly close with my housemates, but I have friends that I spend my time and laugh with. I am doing my degree, writing for this magazine, and more than anything, I’m enjoying my life.
I wasn’t meant to live with those people, it would have thrown me off my path.
I wasn’t meant to have the same experiences that others had.
I am exactly where I need to be right now, and so are you.
In the end, we’ll all graduate and live completely different lives and what we are doing now will impact who we are then.
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