All heterosexual couples have been there. A poorly timed erection poking you in the morning, whilst your bleeding out your vagina and your cramps make you feel like you’re about to give birth. The guilt and isolation can follow. Are you and your partner not attracted to each other anymore? Why is my sex drive so low? Why is he always horny and I need about fourteen working days to even think about it?
Well I hate to tell you, but, it’s all about your hormone cycles.
As you may or may not know there are four phases in the menstrual cycle;
- Menstrual phase: The menstrual phase (aka your period). Expect your progesterone and oestrogen levels to decrease leading to mood swings, tender breasts, cramping, migraines, lower back pain and tiredness. Of course, that hormonal acne will break out right before bottomless brunch with the girls. This lasts around five to seven days but can vary.
- Follicular phase: You will be feeling pretty good. You will have positivity and motivation. This is the start of your cycle and lasts around two weeks. You could also feel horny at this time.
- Ovulation phase: Like the follicular phase you will be feeling pretty good. You will have positivity, motivation and sexual arousal, this lasts around ten days.
- Luteal phase: This where your body is preparing for the implantation of a fertilised egg, so if you don’t get pregnant your progesterone and oestrogen hormones start to lower. This means you will probably feel irritable, tired and unproductive. This happens around day 22-24 of your cycle.
Meanwhile, men have a much shorter 24-hour cycle. Their testosterone levels are highest in the morning, and lowest at night. When they are highest, they are sexually aroused. Their hormones keep them energetic most of the day so the morning is best.
Albeit each person is very different. Some women can sustain a sexual libido for a month and some men never get super horny and that’s also normal. Hormones have a large control over our body, but it is important to recognise how your cycle is impacting your physical body as well as your emotions, as well as your partners.
5 ways to boost libido
- Longer sleep has been correlated with greater sexual desire with women. Shorter sleep and insomnia has also been associated with decreased sexual function.
- Check your medications because certain medications may have an effect on your sex drive, however, check with your doctor before coming off them or lowering your dosage
- Focus on foreplay, especially for females. According to research, only around 18% of women orgasm from penetrative intercourse alone, while 33.6% report that stimulation of the clitoris is necessary for them to orgasm.
- Get regular exercise, a study found regular exercise helped men cope with body image concerns, low libido and relationship changes.
- Improve relationship quality. Whilst it’s important to focus on other aspects that might be detrimental to sexual libido, focusing on your relationship could be the core of problems. Start with date nights, open communication and quality time.
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