{"id":676,"date":"2025-05-21T13:57:16","date_gmt":"2025-05-21T12:57:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/illuminatedmag.co.uk\/?p=676"},"modified":"2025-05-30T12:13:32","modified_gmt":"2025-05-30T11:13:32","slug":"virgin-island-and-the-performance-of-intimacy-what-reality-tv-misses-about-virginity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jusmedia.co.uk\/illuminatedmag\/2025\/05\/21\/virgin-island-and-the-performance-of-intimacy-what-reality-tv-misses-about-virginity\/","title":{"rendered":"Virgin Island and the performance of intimacy – what reality TV misses about virginity"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

In the sprawling reality TV universe, somewhere between Love Island and Too Hot to Handle\u2019s fake celibacy lies Virgin Island<\/a>, the new show where contestants who have never \u201cdone the deed\u201d are encouraged to form connections, find intimacy, and possibly \u201close it\u201d on national television. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I spoke with two, \u2018self-titled\u2019 virgins to get their take on the show, and what virginity actually means to them. They have both chosen to stay anonymous to protect their privacy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Jessica\u2019 , 24 says: <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFor me, it\u2019s never been about shame or religion. It\u2019s just\u2026 not happened. I\u2019ve dated, I\u2019ve kissed, I\u2019ve had opportunities. But I\u2019ve also had anxiety and a lot of internalised pressure about what it\u2019s supposed to be like when it finally happens. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know a lot of people don\u2019t consider it a big deal, but it\u2019s not something that I particularly like to advertise. I am conscious that most of my peers have already \u2018done it\u2019 so when it comes to dating I do get nervous that there\u2019s some sort of subtext of sex being expected – but also if that\u2019s the case I know that person is not someone I want to be with! Everyone I\u2019ve told always says the same thing – that it will happen when it\u2019s the right time and right person. I guess there is some truth in that I want to be respected – but sometimes you can\u2019t help but to think: is something wrong with me?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Lucy\u2019, 26,<\/strong> agrees that it often feels like there is an underlying pressure to have sex in the dating scene:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cWhenever I\u2019ve brought up the fact I\u2019m a virgin in the past, it\u2019s always been met with shock or disbelief. To be completely honest it almost offends me, I\u2019m not embarrassed to be waiting for the right person. I know so many of my friends my age lost their virginities when they were teenagers – so pretty much a decade before me – but I never felt the rush. A lot of them have actually confided in me saying they wished they waited a bit longer, or felt less pressured from their partner or even themself. I just think it\u2019s crazy that we care so much about something that, in the grand scheme of things, isn\u2019t all that important!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So is Virgin Island an accurate representation of virginity?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Jessica\u2019<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c I think it\u2019s hard to say, I do relate to some of the people on the island. Some of them talk about confidence and body struggles which I think resonates with me. I get that you can end up putting yourself off the idea before someone has even expressed interest in you. I like the fact they all have different reasons, and the producers weren\u2019t looking for a \u2018cookie-cutter\u2019 participant, like \u2018oh she\u2019s a bit socially awkward\u2019 or \u2018he has never spoken to a woman before\u2019. I think it\u2019s important to be seen and heard, and not just pointed and laughed at.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Lucy\u2019<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201c The show does tackle some key aspects I think, but it\u2019s also important to remember that some people, outside of the screen, choose to be celibate. Yeah great, these people have applied and clearly want to get to the point of having sex, but in the real world it’s not always the be all and end all of things. Some of them do seem like they are there to do the inner work and take steps to become more confident but others seem to be treating this as an opportunity to just crack on with one of these \u2018surrogate partners\u2019 and get it over with. I do think it attempts to show the nuance and variety of reasons behind why people might be a virgin, but at the end of the day it\u2019s reality TV. It\u2019s for entertainment.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Q: What do you think people <\/strong>assume<\/em><\/strong> about virgins, and does the show challenge that at all?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Jessica\u2019:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

“That we\u2019re weird. Or broken. Or like, socially behind. I think there\u2019s still this idea that if you haven\u2019t had sex by a certain age, there must be something \u2018wrong\u2019 with you. Especially with how casual dating is now, it\u2019s like, if you haven\u2019t done it, people assume you\u2019re either super religious, traumatised, or painfully awkward. I think the show tries to challenge that by showing a variety of people, but it still feels a bit curated. Like, they lean into the \u2018quirkiness\u2019 of each person in a way that kind of reinforces the stereotype instead of breaking it.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Lucy\u2019:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Yeah, 100%. There\u2019s definitely this media image of virgins being either desperate or clueless. The show does make an effort to humanise them – like, you do hear people talk about loneliness and real stuff – but it still feels like they\u2019re being shown because<\/em> they\u2019re virgins, not just as people. It\u2019s like their lack of experience is the main thing that defines them. I think it unintentionally turns virginity into a spectacle, even if the intention is to be sex-positive. Like, I don\u2019t want to be \u2018the virgin\u2019 in the room – I just want to be me. And I don\u2019t think the show fully lets its cast exist outside of that label.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What do you think of the \u2018experts\u2019 and \u2018surrogate partners\u2019?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Jessica\u2019<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cSo weird! The episodes I\u2019ve seen a lot of the time I\u2019ve been like ummm\u2026\u2026 is this allowed? I was thinking, where is the boundary? These people are supposed to be professionals, and fair enough some of them seem to be quite good with the emotional care, but the physical side? Odd. I just can\u2019t even comprehend how you get into that line of work. So okay, cool, you\u2019re offering to teach and have an intimate relationship with these participants, but it just feels a bit perverted. Watching them grunt and moan and try to make the virgins get involved and feel comfortable is a hard watch. I think you can see within the group as well that some of them find it uncomfortable too – and not just in the inexperienced way.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Lucy\u2019 :<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI genuinely don\u2019t know how ethical it is. To me there\u2019s just a noticeable power dynamic at play. You\u2019ve got these so-called \u2018experts\u2019 who are clearly very confident and experienced, and then you have people who\u2019ve never had sex or even been emotionally intimate before. It just feels unbalanced. I get that it\u2019s meant to be helpful, but it sometimes crosses a line, it\u2019s like they\u2019re guiding people into intimacy on a deadline, and that doesn\u2019t sit right with me. Especially when it\u2019s being filmed. It\u2019s hard to know if the participants really feel safe or if they just think they have to say yes because the camera\u2019s on them. It kind of defeats the point of creating a space for vulnerability if that space is being produced like content.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What could the show have done to improve its representation of virgins?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jessica<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Honestly? Less of the weird exercises and more actual conversation. Let people talk about their lives, not just their lack of sex. I\u2019d love to see a version where virginity isn\u2019t this ticking clock or awkward obstacle, but just one part of someone\u2019s identity. Like, show people dating, but with real pacing, not pressure to \u2018fix\u2019 anything by the finale. And maybe include more reasons why people are virgins, people who are ace, demisexual, religious, curious, whatever. Give it more nuance. Also maybe\u2026 don\u2019t film their first sexual experiences? That part feels exploitative, no matter how sensitively it\u2019s framed.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lucy<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Less intervention, more space. I think if it focused more on connection and self-worth, not just intimacy milestones, it would feel a lot healthier. Maybe show therapy sessions, group chats, real-world dating, rather than all these forced \u2018intimacy exercises.\u2019 Let them learn naturally, not theatrically. And also maybe include more people who are choosing to stay virgins or who aren\u2019t even sure they want sex,  not everyone\u2019s end goal is to lose it. A version like that could actually change how we talk about virginity, instead of just sensationalising it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So what does this all mean?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Virgin Island tries to be radical, a show that pushes past awkwardness, shame, and societal silence around sex. But for many, including those it claims to represent, it lands in murkier territory. Yes, it’s refreshing to see conversations about intimacy, fear, and self-worth take centre stage. But when those conversations are edited for entertainment and shaped by producers, the authenticity starts to feel compromised.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For Jessica and Lucy, the show doesn\u2019t fully break the stigma around virginity,  it just packages it differently. It swaps out punchlines for tearful breakthroughs, but still keeps virginity as a spectacle, something to be overcome rather than simply understood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we really want to challenge the assumptions around being a virgin in 2025, maybe we don\u2019t need more surrogate coaches or sensual dance classes. Maybe we just need to let people be whole, complex, and unsexualised, even on TV. Virginity isn\u2019t a flaw, a plot arc, or a brand. It\u2019s just one small detail in a much bigger story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For more stories on TV and Entertainment click here: https:\/\/illuminatedmag.co.uk\/tv-and-entertainment\/<\/a>\u00a0
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the sprawling reality TV universe, somewhere between Love Island and Too Hot to Handle\u2019s fake celibacy lies Virgin Island, the new show where contestants who have never \u201cdone the deed\u201d are encouraged to form connections, find intimacy, and possibly \u201close it\u201d on national television.  I spoke with two, \u2018self-titled\u2019 virgins to get their take […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":177,"featured_media":798,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[91,73,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-676","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cluster-5-reality-tv","category-megan","category-tv-entertainment"],"yoast_head":"\nVirgin Island and the performance of intimacy - what reality TV misses about virginity - Illuminated<\/title>\n<meta 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