Exploring a young woman’s identity, community, and belonging far from home

As a Black South African woman living in Japan, Xiluva didn’t just cross borders. She’s been building bridges. 

Two weeks ago, Xiluva and her friends, all Black South African women working in Japan, stood in front of a mirror in Kyoto wearing kimonos. But what they saw went beyond fabric and style.

Xiluva, 23, says: “We looked at ourselves and felt beautiful, regal, and seen in a way that went deeper than appearance,” she says.

“That moment wasn’t just about dressing up; it was about connection.”

For Xiluva, wearing the kimono was an act of respect and curiosity. A sincere desire to understand and experience life more fully in a culture that is both foreign and inviting.

“Wearing the kimono wasn’t just about appreciation or avoiding appropriation. It was about respect, curiosity, and a sincere desire to understand and experience life here more fully.”

Living as a Black woman in Japan can come with a complicated mix of curiosity, visibility, and, sometimes, otherness. The country’s relative ethnic homogeneity means people often stare or ask questions, sometimes unaware of the impact of their gaze or words.

But Xiluva has learned to navigate these moments with grace, transforming curiosity into conversations and difference into connection.

“Being here, you’re always a little bit ‘other.’ But that’s not just a barrier; it’s a starting point to build something new.”

Her story isn’t just about adapting to a new culture; it’s about integrating with intention, choosing to grow and finding common ground while honouring her own roots.

One of the most visible markers of identity for Xiluva is her hair. Black hair in Japan can be misunderstood or exoticised, and finding haircare products or salons that cater to textured hair is a constant challenge.

“I’ve had to learn how to care for my hair in a place where very few people have hair like mine. Sometimes it feels isolating, but it also makes me more connected to my culture.”

Xiluva feels that, as a woman, she has become part of a small but growing community of Black residents who share tips, products, and support, carving out spaces that feel like home.

She also felt that she would feel different because of the colour of her skin. At first, it felt like she was completely isolated as the beauty standard in Japan is whiteness, paleness and being as pale-toned as possible. 

Yet, she was completely surprised by the love that she received from the community. Not only did they appreciate her skin tone, but they called her beautiful. 

Food is another bridge between worlds. Xiluva found comfort in cooking South African dishes while also embracing Japanese ingredients and recipes.

“There’s something beautiful about mixing spices and flavours from my heritage with the freshness and simplicity of Japanese cuisine. It’s like telling my story through food.”

Sharing meals with Japanese friends has also opened up new conversations about culture, tradition, and identity, transforming meals into moments of learning and exchange.

Xiluva’s experience reminds us that cultural sharing when done thoughtfully, can be transformative not just for the person crossing borders but for the culture being honoured.

“We’re not here just to work; we’re here to learn, to grow, and to find pieces of ourselves in the unfamiliar.”

Her story is one of belonging that doesn’t erase difference but celebrates it, building bridges through respect, curiosity, and open hearts.

Living between cultures is a complex, beautiful journey. Xiluva’s story invites us all to approach culture with humility and curiosity to listen, learn, and engage in ways that honour heritage and identity.

In a world where borders often divide, her experience shows how openness and respect can build connections one kimono, one conversation, and one shared meal at a time.

Read more about being a woman and more self image stories here.