Grief is a universal experience, yet each person’s encounter with it is unique and different. The timeline of grieving varies for each person, and no one’s experience is the same. Despite this, sleep is an ongoing struggle for those going through bereavement. Cortisol levels in your body have a significant impact on your sleep quality. When someone is grieving, their cortisol levels are raised, which can prevent them from getting regular sleep.
Dr Andy Langford, the Clinical Director for Cruse Bereavement Care and psychologist, says, “A bereavement is the death of someone close to us, and the reaction to that is what we define as grief. We then remember the person and try to adapt to their life after death, which is a form of mourning.
“If you’re grieving someone close to you, a considerable part of yourself has been altered. For some people, it feels like it’s ripped away and that part of themselves has died with the person, and it can make the world feel very uncertain.”
The five stages of grief are outlined as disbelief, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. While they don’t necessarily follow a particular order, it is common to experience these stages at varying intensities during the period following bereavement. For many people, the intensity of grief lessens around six months after the loss, and though it won’t entirely disappear, they can accept moving past the grief.
Some cases do not recover as quickly and can be identified as complicated grief, where the intensity of grief does not lessen. Individuals may experience recurrent and intrusive emotional pain, anger, avoidance and a sense of having lost a part of themselves.
The absence of sleep is a common complaint of grief; the symptom of grief means those suffering often take much longer to fall asleep, much longer to wake up in the morning and spend a significantly longer amount of time in bed awake.
A regular sleep issue during the grieving process is “middle insomnia”, which is when a person wakes up in the middle of the night and has difficulty falling back to sleep. The period awake can be flooded with thoughts about their lost loved one, which keeps them from falling asleep.
Poor sleep quality occurs as a product of grief, yet also increases the risk of developing complicated grief; this is described as a bidirectional relationship. The effect of experiencing disrupted sleep impacts the way we grieve. Dr Langford says, “The more complicated and prolonged the grief gets, the more their sleep is disturbed, and vice versa. It’s clear that if your sleep is disrupted, it affects your general health, it affects how you can function, and it affects how your mood is.”
Clare Balaam lost her husband, at 58, in March 2025 to a prolonged illness. Since his passing, she has struggled with her sleep, including middle-of-the-night insomnia. Clare says: “I would go to bed but wake after like an hour, sometimes not even an hour, would wake up sobbing. I would wake several times a night.”
She had never been through sleep problems before, but when her world was turned upside down, her sleep took a severe hit. Clare says that she feels her disrupted sleep has happened due to intensely feeling his absence.
Clare says, “He was a very devoted working man; I miss him coming home now; he was my soulmate.
“It’s different each night, but when I have bad nights, I’ll go into my garden at 4 a.m. and have a cup of tea.”
Navigating life and sleep after losing a loved one is a unique experience for each person, yet Dr Langford says that the most important thing to try and implement is routine. Finding normality in a time that is so shrouded with abnormalities can seem impossible, but trying to plan your days and nights can help you recover some sense of solidity.
The first step to finding peace at bedtime is by sticking to a nighttime routine, going to bed at the same time each night and doing the same things before getting into bed. Reestablishing your routine, which includes maintaining your usual eating patterns, getting sufficient sleep and rest, and engaging in varied activities, helps you transition from morning to evening, especially during the early stages of grieving.
Dr Langford says: “Particularly on the death of a partner, we find people come to us and say they’re not sleeping in their bed anymore.
“Their life partner has died, so they’re now sleeping in their chair downstairs, napping and as a result, they’re really tired in the day, and they can’t get up and go out as much as they wanted to.”
Dr Langford stresses that maintaining good sleep hygiene is essential, and sleeping in a bed is central to this. It may be hard to sleep alone in a bed that was once shared with a loved one, but allowing yourself to be comfortable and rest in a place designed to aid sleep is crucial to give your brain time to relax.
During grief, the possibility of an individual becoming secluded is significantly increased; leaving the house and interacting with others requires a lot of energy, and not getting enough rest puts extra strain on social activities. Sleep deprivation heightens emotions and makes it difficult to manage feelings and actions. Sustaining relationships while grieving can help ease the pain, and receiving support can help share the weight of day-to-day tasks.
Dr Langford recommends letting your friends and family help you, leaning on the people who care about you. He says, “Having those conversations and drawing together with people who you trust, who you love, and who love you makes such a difference. It can’t be underestimated the difference it can make.”
However, for those whose support system is not as strong, don’t hesitate to reach out. It’s not; it’s never too early to do so. Cruse Bereavement Care offers a national helpline and support services. Asking for help is the first step to working through the pain. Dr Langford says for anyone struggling with sleep while grieving to “reach out, have the conversation. Don’t feel like you need to leave it for a long time. Don’t worry about reaching out; you won’t be pushed away.”
Call Cruse Bereavement Care Helpline :08088081677
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