After months of tossing and turning and counting sheep, I was seriously done with the lack of sleep. Many doctors’ calls later, CBT therapy and hours of missed sleep, I was finally prescribed the magic I had been waiting for. I’m not talking a prick on a spinning wheel, I’m talking zopiclone, the sleeping pills I had been prescribed. This was a last resort when nothing else had worked.
The doctors prepared me for any side effects and how and when to take the pills. Once a night, every night for 5 days at the same time to reset my sleep schedule. 10 o’clock hit and I was ready to take the first. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t sceptical, as many things had previously not worked. I was also extremely nervous. I had no idea what to expect, would I experience side effects from the pills, would it work, how would I feel? I took it an hour before bed, so I put some washing away, brushed my teeth and talked with my housemates to try and distract myself before finally tucking into bed. About 40 minutes later, I was definitely feeling dozy. My eyes started to shut, my body felt heavy, and after that, there’s not much I remember, a huge difference from the endless ruminating I was used to.
The morning was another fear for me, surely it couldn’t be that easy, a beautiful night’s rest could not come without some side effects. I was warned about the extreme drowsiness and dizziness. But the next morning I woke up feeling fresh, whether this was a high from finally sleeping, I don’t know, but either way I was glad to not wake up feeling horrible. The main side effect I experienced was a metallic taste in my mouth, which was horrible every time I drank, but a small price to pay for a restful day. Friends and colleagues all immediately spotted the difference in me; I had more energy and was in a better mood.
After such a brilliant day, I was so excited to take the next sleeping pill, counting down the hours till bedtime rather than dreading it. Same routine, same time and it was the exact same experience; out like a light and up the next day feeling fresh, still the awful metallic taste but no other stresses. Could I be fixed?
However, the next night went a little differently. I took the pill at 10 pm as usual, but this time I was having a conversation with my flatmates and lost track of time. A sudden wave of tiredness came over me, but an extremity I had never felt before. I got up to go to bed and immediately fell back down on the sofa. I was so dizzy and so confused, needing my housemates to carry me upstairs. It wasn’t a horrible feeling, just the one you get when you’re drunk and cannot control your limbs. The best way I could describe it was that my body was behind my brain, with limbs everywhere and slurred words, not a pretty sight. Once I was in bed, I was fine and peacefully slept the night away, with no memory of actually falling asleep. Lesson learned when they say you will be sleepy within the hour, listen and make sure you’re in bed.
By day 3, the excitement of finally sleeping was starting to wear off, and the drowsiness was starting to hit. Nothing awful, but I was starting to feel it. Waking up was a difficult task; I felt like I was dragging myself up for a 3 am flight, but there was no holiday excitement, and it was a 9 am wake-up. Throughout the day, I could feel my energy improve from what felt like walking around with my eyes closed to a functioning human being.
Day 4 was the penultimate day, and again the same routine, same time, but not the same sleep. Although I fell asleep much quicker, a main issue for me was that I woke up multiple times throughout the night. I tried not to get in my head about it and fall back to sleep, which I did manage to do every time. Waking up the next morning was a chore, but I managed to get up and continue, despite feeling extremely tired. I had been used to this for months, so the more difficult thing for me was the disappointment that it might not be working. Whether it was frustration at the thought of not being fixed or the actual lack of sleep, my mood had an extreme negative shift. My patience was at an all-time low, and I found myself extremely irritable. Luckily, I have great friends and peers around me who are extremely understanding, but it’s essential to make them aware of how you’re feeling. Over the last two days, I felt like I should’ve come with a warning.
But back to sleep I went with the same issue of staying asleep. Day 5, the final day, and after another night of disrupted sleep, I was coming to the conclusion that the sleeping pills may not be the magic quick fix for me. I had to remind myself that it’s okay and everyone is different. This was not a complete waste of time, and there were some positives. I was getting some sleep, not just two hours a night, although broken and not the eight hours everyone else around me seemed to be getting. There were still improvements and I should celebrate that.
After another round of sleeping pills, some well-needed R and R at home and some time, I was finally sleeping better, not perfectly, but better, and that’s okay. While stressful times, weather changes and other factors may spark a few bad nights of sleep, I am in a much better place now, and I’m glad I can appreciate that.
Sleeping is completely unique to individuals and so are solutions to fixing it. People sleep in different pyjamas, sleep positions and times, and we don’t expect them all to align in that sense, so we shouldn’t expect them to when fixing it. Sleeping pills will do wonders for some, but in my case and many others, it didn’t. There are also side effects and issues with becoming addicted to them. So it is very important to use them as a last resort, but if you are struggling with your sleep, consult a doctor and get some help.
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