No matter what age you’re reading this, your dad is probably your hero. Helping with your homework, fixing something you’ve broken or taking you to their favourite football teams games to try and be that role model, they work tirelessly for us.

But behind that mask of selflessness, they feel pressure, and anxiety. Anxiety to be the man at work but to also be the man at home. For a lot of dads today, it’s a balance that takes its toll.

A study conducted by Working Families, a national charity for working parents and carers, surveyed 5,000 working dads, with children aged 0-17, about this balance between parenting and work.

50% of the cohort said that they felt nervous asking for flexibility or time off from their employer for childcare reasons, with 22% of respondents saying that their boss will “think less of them” if they ask for time off due to these responsibilities.

75% feel that they want to embrace equal parenting – but still feel a stigma in asking their boss for time off. 

And so for all those working dads out there who are stuck with the same issue, here’s a bit of advice that I hope can help you.

You’re not alone in this

You really aren’t; there’s thousands of people like you across the Yorkshire and Humber region, and hundreds of people willing to help. Dad Matters, a national organisation, was founded to support dads in feeling physically and emotionally involved in their childrens life.

They have six facets across Yorkshire and Humber, which include Kirklees, Bradford, Barnsley, Wakefield, Calderdale and Leeds.

They offer one-to-one peer support, as well as spaces for you to connect with other dads in the area and share any queries you might have. 

” Unlike many traditional services where fathers remain isolated, Dad Matters actively engages dads and their babies in service design and delivery.” said Project Manager of Dad Matters, Kieran Anders.

There’s multiple other parenting and care charities scattered across Yorkshire too; Family Lives are a service that allows parents to call or text with any queries. Citizens advice will always be on hand if you’re confused about breaching legalities while asking for the time off. 

It’s what you’re entitled to

For the dads that just want a bit of time off to truly connect, as long as you’ve worked for the company for a year, you’re entitled to unpaid parental leave of 4 weeks a year for each child, and 18 weeks altogether until they turn 18.

As an employee, you’re also eligible to make a flexible working request, if you feel that you want to change your working arrangements, to feel more present in your childrens life. This can include changing the hours of your work as well as the days you work. 

An employer must respond in two months, and must also handle requests reasonably. While they can reject it, they would have to bring a specific business reason. They have to be fair.

For more information, look on the government website here.

It’s OK to talk

Whether it’s through the channels mentioned above, or just meeting your mate in a social setting like the pub, a problem shared is a problem halved. Talk about your worries when it comes to the parenting and work balance, and it just might make it easier when it comes to talking to your boss about them.

Studies have shown that as men open up more, their mental health tends to be better, supporting the idea that emotional openess is very beneficial. 

“It’s encouraging that men are becoming more open to talking about their mental health.” Dr Doug Wright, medical director at Aviva UK Health said.

Aviva’s study last year stated that out of 1000 respondents, more than 7 in 10 men said that they would talk to someone if they were struggling. The stigma that men opening themselves up for help is cowardly couldn’t be far from it.

In fact, it’s the bravest thing that you can do.